Ahh the “one.” The person who will “make your life complete.” Your “other half.” All that BS. Truth be told all this time in quarantine with my partner has helped me gain some clarity over this idea of finding the one. Because by the grace of God and after four months in quarantine involving two wedding postponements, my partner and I are still very much together, in love, and functioning as healthy human beings day in and out.
So, how do you know?
*Please take a moment to appreciate this Whitney Houston music masterpiece & the fabulous fan kicks of these dancers*
Well, I don’t think my advice can be prescriptive for everyone because everyone’s relationships are different, but I never had a specific moment when I knew Michael, my partner, was the one. It just happened gradually over time as we shared more experiences. But after doing some reflection of my own, I’ve come up with five reasons why you might know your person is the “one”:
1) You’re never worried about the relationship
Before Michael, I was always worried about my dating relationships in some way. I wasn’t always sure what the other person was thinking or feeling. Maybe they were hiding something from me? Maybe they didn’t really like me? Alllllllll the maybes. And friends, too many maybes and unknowns just become a waste of time and energy after a while. I knew Michael was the one, and to this day believe it, because I’ve never questioned our relationship. I’ve never worried about it or felt unsure of his feelings. Now don’t get that confused with never being worried about him, because that’s real! But have I ever really worried about our relationship not working…no. Maybe I’m crazy lucky to be able to say that but that’s just the simplest reason why I knew he was the one.
2) You’re not guessing about the other’s intentions or feelings
This goes with the first point but to me this is worth emphasizing in it’s own number. I was never worried about our relationship because I always knew where Michael stood with it. He was never afraid or unwilling to honestly tell me how he was feeling about it. And because he was lovingly direct from the start, I never had to be guessing where we were at or what he was thinking. I could be confident in it the whole way through. That level of respect and communication meant everything to be and has transferred to all other aspects of our relationship now.
3) Your partner believes in you unconditionally & helps you grow
Ah this one is HUGE! I first began dating Michael during a difficult work season for me and the ways he believed in me and helped me grow during that time of my life solidified that he was the person I want to spend my life with. I don’t want to plateau in life and I know that I will not always have the willingness within me to want to develop all the time. But I also know I have big dreams, so I need to be with someone who will believe in them with me and help me get there. Michael helps me grow in countless ways every day on a micro and macro level. Your forever person will help you be the best version of yourself.
4) Perfectionism isn’t expected & vulnerability is welcomed
No one is perfect, so if you’re well into a relationship with someone who is still acting like they are…then maybe it’s time to get real! I knew that in my forever person I had to be with someone who not only would empathize and make space for my emotions, but who would also be vulnerable in return. When one person is sharing everything and the other won’t even make an effort to be emotionally vulnerable or available, that is a red flag for me since I am such an external processor. Michael never pretended to have it all together and he never asked me to. I knew I could spend forever with someone who would make space for all of me, including my imperfections and struggles.
5) You are never asked to change who you are
I want to unpack this final point more in another post, but your forever person will be in love with you for exactly who you are. All those things about you that you don’t even like, they will love. You will be celebrated and even admired for the quirky things you do or how you snort when you laugh or how you unashamedly dance in public when your jam comes on (me.) This final point is different than personal growth that I mentioned earlier because this is about who you fundamentally are at your core. You are a beautiful child of God, made perfectly as you are, and you deserve to be loved as such with no strings attached. You know you’re with the “one” when you confidently can show up as yourself in every moment and be fully loved.
So, there it is! Five ways you can know if you have found “the one.” Again, I’m no expert except from what my own experience has taught me, but I believe these points are true. Because even on the hardest days with my partner, I know I am deeply seen, supported, and loved. And that’s what I want forever.