Ask For Help

I went on an unexpected emotional rollercoaster the past few weeks and did not accurately anticipate how sharing my book would impact me. At first, I was super excited and just in awe of what I had done. And then I received the first picture of someone reading my book and I froze. Then the anxiety sunk in as I realized, “Oh shit, now people are actually READING this thing!” Cue me hiding under a blanket. Y’all, sharing your creative work is inherently vulnerable, and while nearly everyone who has bought the book thus far has been supportive friends and family, I still was shaking in my boots and overthinking every word I wrote.

Due to this emotional turmoil I was now facing, I became absolutely exhausted both physically and emotionally. I hit my giant wall and felt simultaneously depleted and full at the same time.

Have you ever experienced that? When things are happening in your life that leave you so fulfilled that they also drain you of your energy and ability to show up for others in those seasons? Well, that’s where I was at 100% and honestly am still navigating a bit.

And so last week, I did a big thing. A big thing that especially us perfectionists HATE doing.

I asked for help.

Oh man, while I wanted to show up so badly to teach a CycleBar class, I knew in my gut that this kind of tired wasn’t simply a “drink a Celsius and rally” tired, but a deep, emotional exhaustion that would require more than just a caffeine boost and Lizzo to pump me back up. 

I wrestled with the decision to ask for a sub for my class way too long honestly.

I knew I needed help, but I went back and forth in my head over whether I should get a sub for a solid hour. Instead of honoring what I needed when I knew I needed it, I became worried about what others would think of me. Would my riders be mad at me for not showing up? Would my teammates think I’m annoying or weak? This all stemmed from guilt I was experiencing for asking for the break I needed so I could properly recharge.

I finally trusted that my team would have my back and be understanding, so I asked. And the response I was met with not only surprised me but encouraged me deeply.

They were all so proud of me for asking for support. For asking for what I needed and prioritizing my wellbeing.

I am immensely grateful for the support of this team I have. I can imagine that in other settings, asking for help may not be met with such an assuring response.

But all this has got me thinking…

It is so tempting to have this myth in our heads about how others will perceive us if we ask for help or say we need a break. The reality is that most of us do not take the rest we need to be our most full selves. We keep going and going and going until we hit, you know it, burnout.

We’re human beings, not doings. We can’t just plug into an outlet and be back at 100% in a few hours. Sometimes rest means a longer recharge. It might mean asking for help.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and we all can be better about celebrating and affirming that asking for support and help is not only okay but encouraged. Every time we do it, we feel better after, right? Every stinking time! But how we respond to ourselves and others when help is needed is critical to consider.

We can be so afraid to ask for help because of how we will be perceived. So, we have to know that every time we respond to someone’s request for help with compassion, we are helping them build up the courage to continue to ask for help when it is needed.

You can help others feel empowered to ask for help instead of ashamed. Asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of wisdom. It means you are so in tune with yourself and respectful of what you need that you ask for it. That, to me, is a strength. So let’s encourage others to ask for what they need and cultivate a community that embraces that. Our responses matter.

To put all this bluntly: if you need help, ask for it. You are worthy of the rest you need and the help you need. You do not have to earn it first. Some of the most transformative and healing experiences of our lives can be found in seeking support from someone else. You got this.

Consider these questions:

1. How do you talk to yourself when you need help? Do you beat yourself up or are you kind?

2. How do you respond to others when they ask for help?

3. What is the biggest barrier you face in asking for help?

4. What areas of your life are you afraid to ask for help?

5. How can you prioritize what you need today?